A Lesson From The Farm: Self-Talk Leads to Self-Deception

The farm of a certain rich man produced a terrific crop. He talked to himself: ‘What can I do? My barn isn’t big enough for this harvest.’ Then he said, ‘Here’s what I’ll do: I’ll tear down my barns and build bigger ones. Then I’ll gather in all my grain and goods, and I’ll say to myself, Self, you’ve done well! You’ve got it made and can now retire. Take it easy and have the time of your life!’ “Just then God showed up and said, ‘Fool! Tonight you die. And your barnful of goods – who gets it?’ “That’s what happens when you fill your barn with Self and not with God. (Luke 12:16-21 The Message)

We all talk to our Self, right? How does your Self-talk sound? What impact does it have on your choices, your relationships, your productivity and your results? What lessons can we take away from this farm story that will help us cultivate our Self-talk and convert it into a rich harvest?

There are two types of Self-talk. The first, the Self-centered kind used by the “rich man” in the story, leads to Self-deception and Self-destruction. The second, the Christ-centered kind used throughout the Bible, leads to spiritual development and spiritual discipline; to the life that is truly life.

Which of these two types of Self-talk do you engage in on most days?

How we talk to our Self matters. Our Self-talk fills our barn — our heart — with treasure or trash. What we allow into our minds, what we ponder and reflect upon each day filters directly into our barn. What we treasure most gets stored in our barn. Finally, what we treasure becomes the measure with which we will be measured on our last day. Jesus said, “For where your treasure is, there your heart (barn) will be also.” (Luke 12:34) “Therefore, do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth … but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven.”

Another word for the second type of Self-talk, the Christ-centered kind, is prayer. Done right — in silence, in secret, and by speaking sincerely with our Savior — prayer fills our barn (heart) with heavenly treasures. Prayer is God’s ultimate gift to us humans. It’s an invitation to tap into our Creators divine wisdom 24/7/lifetime. As the rich man from the farm discovered, to engage in Self-talk instead of accepting God’s invitation to talk with him is the choice of fools.

Knowing that none of us wants to be a rich fool, we should spend more time learning to become wise farmers.

Throughout Scripture God uses lessons from the farm to teach us how to cultivate a relationship with Him and others. One of my favorite farm stories is the Parable of the Sower (Luke 8). It reminds us of four life giving lessons from the farm: First, God is The Farmer. He sows the seed. Second, the seed in this case is The Word of God. Third, we are responsible for preparing the “good soil” (our heart) to receive the seed. Fourth, God will grow these seeds into “fruits of the Spirit” over time.

Let’s end where we began. We all talk to our Self, right? Talking to our Self without including God and His living Word in our conversation is foolish. We would be wise to remember this ancient teaching from the Church: “And let them remember that prayer should accompany the reading of Sacred Scripture, so that God and man may talk together; for “we speak to him when we pray; we hear him when we read the divine saying.”

Questions to ask your Self: When was the last time my Self-talk led me off track? How often do I invite God into my private conversations? Do I believe the Word of God is living and active (Hebrews 4:12)? How would meditating on God’s Word influence my Self-talk and spiritual walk? Have I been slow to speak and quick to listen? What do I treasure most? What thoughts/things occupy the most space in my barn (heart)?

Do you feel like dancing?

On my way back from lunch I noticed a young man crossing the street near our office. In the middle of the intersection he busted into a dance move. Then he looked over his shoulder as if to say, “I hope nobody was looking.”

Little did he realize that the guy in the car, the only witness of his joy, was singing out loud (and off key) during his walk the night before. Our eyes met as I drove by. I smiled and waved. I could see him waving back in my rear view mirror. Then, assuming he was alone again, he began to dance.

This little scene raised two questions that I’d like to share with you: First, do you feel like dancing? Second, why are people ashamed to let others see them dance, but they will rant or use obscene hand gestures in front of a crowd.

The vision of David dancing naked in the streets just popped to mind. He was unabashedly unashamed to let his joy for life, his love for God show. He couldn’t stop himself from dancing. Likewise, last night I couldn’t stop myself from singing. “If you believe and I believe and we together pray. The Holy Spirit will come down and set God’s people free.”

Too many of us, yes even us Christians, are holding back. We feel like dancing and singing but we don’t want to look goofy, right? I say, let’s get goofy for God’s sake. Let’s let our joy show. Let somebody catch you dancing or singing this weekend. But don’t stop after they see you. Who knows maybe you could ask them, “Do you feel like dancing?”

No Wake Zone?

CINAP T’NOD

I took a deep breath as my brain tried to process the name on the back of the boat in front of me. The letters were upside down and backward  making them difficult to decipher.  Just seconds earlier the owner of the large black boat pulled out of his driveway onto Suwannee Dam Road forcing me to slam on my breaks. We went from 40 miles an hour to zero engaging our seat belts.

DON’T PANIC … what an ironic name for that boat. “Easy for him to say!” I blurted out. A quick glance in my rear view mirror confirmed that we narrowly missed getting rear ended by the vehicle behind us.

The pick-up truck and its wide load crawled toward the intersection as I caught my breath. “That was the most dangerous, reckless, selfish driving maneuver I’ve ever seen!” I exclaimed to my wife. “Absolutely clueless!” she replied.

Without warning the driver jerked into the turn lane. Since the light was red, and we had a couple of cars in front of us, we barely pulled up alongside the truck when the driver decided to cut across the intersection despite not having a turn signal. Unfortunately, his second reckless decision in less than a quarter-mile left a wake of destruction behind him. In order to avoid crashing into the side of the boat, the driver of the mini-van was forced to slam on his brakes.

“No!” shouted my wife. We watched in horror as the woman driving the SUV smashed into the mini-van crushing both vehicles. True to the name on his boat the driver of the pick up truck did not panic; nor did he stop. He just drove off to enjoy his Father’s Day on the lake, leaving the rest of us to sort out the details he left in his wake.

My wife and I could barely process what we had just witnessed, but the sequence of events was indelibly burned into our minds-eye. Our hearts were breaking. I could see the two innocent victims introducing themselves in the center of the road in my rear-view mirror. “We have to go back and be a witness,” I said.  ”Otherwise, the police will blame that poor woman,” Debbie added.

By the time we turned around, got back to the scene of the accident twenty-five other cars were being directly impacted by the careless driver’s actions. The SUV was leaking fluid all over the road and the woman was in shock. “I’ve never been in an accident,” were her first words. “Please stay with me.” Fortunately neither of the drivers or the woman’s two young daughters who were sitting in the back seat were injured. The man looked at the fluid and said, “Internal damages. Looks like she blew a gasket.”

After the police took our statements, and informed us that “the owner of the boat would not be charged because he was not directly involved”, I nearly blew a gasket or two of my own. I was steaming! Not directly involved. Are you kidding me? None of this would have happened if he hadn’t been involved.

On the way home, we couldn’t stop thinking about the owner of the boat and the injustice related to the entire scene. “Those poor people will now spend money and lose time fixing the damage he caused,” I said. “And the driver of the pick up truck will go on about his business as if nothing happened,” replied Debbie. “That’s just not right!” we agreed.

“I wonder if the captain of DON’T PANIC observes the rules in the NO WAKE ZONE on the lake,” I mumbled. Based upon the way he endangered the rest of us on Suwanee Dam Road I doubt it, I thought to myself.

As leaders in our homes, communities and businesses, what can we learn from this accident scene? How might the driver of the pick-up truck’s irresponsible actions influence us to act more responsibly? At a minimum this situation has caused me to think about the people I leave in my WAKE ZONE each day. When I drive by are others positively or negatively impacted? Are they better or worse off than before I crossed their path?

While it occurred to me that others may admire an assertive leader with a DON’T PANIC mantra, what if the reason for that leader’s demeanor is based upon a reckless, clueless and selfish approach to business and life? What if that leader doesn’t care about the impact he or she is having on others? What if their “employees” who assume they are operating in a NO WAKE ZONE are actually in a high risk zone? What if their leader wouldn’t think twice about pulling out in front of them to take full credit or cutting corners without warning to achieve his goals? What if instead of protecting their follower’s best interests, the leader is only interested in protecting their own?

Try to imagine how dangerous our daily commute and our daily interactions in the marketplace would be if every leader adopted a DON’T PANIC, JUST FIND A GOOD MECHANIC approach to achieving their goals. Scary thought, huh? If left unchecked, what impact would leaders like that have in the marketplace each day?

As my wife and I learned on Suwanee Dam Road, we can’t always rely upon law enforcement or corporate policies to hold our leaders, or ourselves, accountable. That’s why as leaders we must establish our own NO WAKE ZONE policies based upon our core values. Further, we must value others more than ourselves if we expect our teams to travel safely down the road we’ve laid out for them and achieve our organizational goals.

One final thought before I sign off. If you happen to know the owner of DON’T PANIC please pass along this message on behalf of those he left in his wake on sunday: DON’T PANIC, BUT WAKE UP AND CONSIDER OTHERS IN YOUR WAKE ZONE before your actions lead to more serious or permanent damage!

Are You A Faithful Friend? (Part 1)

What do you need most right now?

I recently asked this question to a successful leader who I met during a networking event last year. After an awkward silence he responded, “A friend.”

This leader’s response triggered a deep emotional response within me. It broke my heart, called to mind these words of wisdom …

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure.

A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth.

A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds;

For he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself. (Book of Sirach 6:14-17)

… and raised a question I would like to share with you today: Can being a faithful friend really position us to be a “life-saving remedy?”

Be a friend like Arnold …

Some men walk the course in a manner that inspires the rest of us to “raise our game.” My friend Arnold Gardner walked this way. I will never forget walking the golf course with Arnold during the final round of the club championship in 2001. As we walked off the 7th tee, after Arnold’s chances of taking the trophy home sunk to the bottom of the lake, his next move seemed so out of character. Instead of cussing, tossing a club or storming off, Arnold smiled and shifted his attention to me. “You can still win this, Joe. You are playing great.”

Over the next few years I came to learn that Arnold’s response that day may have been out of character for me, but it suited him perfectly. Needless to say, from that day forward I became a raving fan and faithful follower of my new friend. That’s what made the news of his terminal liver cancer so hard to bear in December 2006. I count myself amongst the blessed to have been close enough to Arnold to watch the way he continued to walk the course of life with grace, humility and as a faithful friend to all who crossed his path until he passed away on April 25, 2007.

During his celebration of life I learned that Arnold was the Pastor’s best friend. Apparently Arnold approached him and became his encourager when he first moved to Atlanta to assume leadership of the church. They met weekly and often Arnold would call and ask, “Have you seen the sky today? Take a moment and look up and see how beautiful it is.” After Arnold learned that his condition was terminal he went to visit his friend. He sat him down and said, “I don’t want what I’m about to share with you to be a burden on you.” That was the way Arnold walked. His focus was always on other people. Two months before he passed away I ran into him at Bingo night at the school. He hugged me, allowed me to ask, “How ‘ya doing?” and then shifted the entire conversation to me and my family. Whenever I was with Arnold I felt like his best friend.

Come to find out, so did everybody else. His longtime best friend and former golf teammate at Vanderbilt closed the celebration of life humbly and memorably. After beginning his final sentence, “So go out their and find a friend…” he stopped, teared up, looked up to heaven and said, “I’m even screwing this one up without you Arnold.” He took a moment to regain his composure and said,“Go out their and be a friend like Arnold.”

On the first anniversary of Arnold’s passing I hosted an event at our club. Arnold’s “best friends” came out of the woodwork, as did the stories of him walking alongside, encouraging and befriending countless others. Arnold was a successful attorney, but I learned that 50% of his time was invested pro-bono in his later years. After that event I committed to becoming a friend like Arnold Gardner for others.

Last week I came across a verse in scripture that reminded me of the lessons I learned from Arnold. I’d like to share it now as a reminder to all of us that we are called to be a faithful friend to all those who cross our path.

Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13 )

Back to the question I posed at the front end: Can being a faithful friend really position us to be a “life-saving remedy?

Remember my conversation with the successful leader who I asked, “What do you need most right now?” Well, here is the rest of that story. At the time I asked that question we’d been talking about his plan to commit suicide for over an hour. I was not prepared to have that conversation that day, nor was I equipped to help him. I was completely out of my comfort zone and area of expertise, or so I thought. As I scrambled to find the words to speak to infuse him with hope, his answer to my question gave me hope. When he disclosed that what he needed most was, “A friend,” I immediately felt a sense of relief.

I can do that, I thought to myself. If all he needs is a friend to come alongside him, someone to talk to, someone to be their when he’s feeling down … I can do that!

You may be wondering, “What made you so sure you could be his friend? Or that being his friend would make a difference?” Good questions. My confidence was based in the truth shared by Sirach over 2000 years ago: For he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself. All I had to do was reflect upon the way Jesus laid down his life for all of us, and the way Arnold followed his lead. I left the rest up to the Holy Spirit as I set out to be a faithful friend to my new friend.

Who needs your friendship most today? Who are you willing to lay your life down for? Who has been a faithful friend to you? After you ponder these questions I encourage you to do two things: First, call your faithful friends and thank them for their friendship. Second, go out there and be a friend like Arnold.

Who Needs You?

Who needs you most today?

A few years back I strapped on my backpack and joined a group of climbers heading for the summit of a 14,005′ mountain in Colorado. The energy level at the trailhead was incredible. It was also incredibly dark and I hadn’t brought a headlamp or flashlight. “I will just have to stick close to my partner,” I thought to myself. Since my partner was the climb team leader and was packing a GPS I felt at ease. Of course, that was before his 6′ 5″ frame began taking enormous strides into the darkness.

Long story short, after months of rigorous training — climbing steps in the football stadium with a 40 pound pack, riding my bike and breaking in my boots on sidehill treks — I was forced to step off the trail within the first five minutes of our climb. I was unable to take another step, and I couldn’t speak out to let my leader know I was falling behind.

As I stood along the side of the trail gasping for air, listening to my heart pound in my head, the rest of the climb team walked passed me. I had never felt so alone or abandoned in my life. I thought, “In a minute I will be severed from the team.” Before I could complete my thought two other climb team members stepped off the trail, not to rescue me, but because they couldn’t breath either. When we finally were able to speak we agreed that the summit was most likely not attainable for us, but that we’d stick together and go as far as we could.

A little further up the path our leader circled back to check on us. He reminded us “not to climb alone” to “keep monitoring each other,” to “remember that reaching the summit is not the goal,” and that “I will be back to check on you.”

Over the next 13+ hours I learned a lot about myself, real leadership and the value of teamwork. Whenever I focused on my pain and my needs I found that my feet got heavier and the summit seemed farther away. Whenever my leader circled back and encouraged us to keep going, my backpack felt lighter and the prospect of reaching the summit reappeared.

We eventually stood on the summit that day, but to my amazement the summit experience paled in comparison to the rest of our journey. I guess that shouldn’t surprise me given all the relationship capital we developed and life lessons we learned during the 13 hour trek to and from the summit. Too often I think we overemphasize the summit experience and forget that real leadership is needed every step of the way. What leaders do on the ordinary days matters as much if not more than how they lead on the mission critical days.

Right now within your sphere of influence, under your leadership, there are at least three co-workers who feel they’ve been forced to step off the path. They are gasping for air — struggling to take the next step from their office to the printer — feeling alone in their career journey. I encourage you to walk around your office or building today. Ask your co-workers, “How are you doing?” Then look into their eyes as they answer. Are their words congruent with their expression? If not, ask them “What do you need most right now from me?” or “How can I help you get from where you are to where you want to be?”

So, who needs you most today? What are you going to do about it? Are you going to keep heading to the summit and leave them gasping along the side of the trail? What might they need anyway?

Maybe they need you to carry there backpack (burdens or stress) for a few days. Maybe they just need to know they are not alone on this journey. Maybe they will find their strength again if they feel needed by you. Maybe they don’t believe the summit can be reached.

Whatever the case may be, as their leader you need to reach out and encourage them to keep going otherwise you may turn around one day and realize you are standing alone on the summit.

What do you want?

I love questions, especially those coming directly from Jesus. In John 1:38 Jesus senses the two disciples following him and asks: “What do you want?”

This question is as applicable today as it was when it first rolled of His tongue. What do you want? Why are we following Jesus? Are we just curious about where he lives? Are we simply spectators seeking a front row seat when he works His next miracle? Or are we prepared to truly follow Him wherever he leads us?

I will be spending my day making a more comprehensive list of “what I want” from Jesus. But I thought I would share the first few desires of my heart with you to stimulate your thinking and encourage you to make your own list. After all, unless we know what we want and where we want to end up before we start following Him, how will we know when we receive it or arrive at our desired destination?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

1). Affirmation that I am doing your will; following your path not mine.
2). A strong, healthy growing relationship with my wife
3). Wisdom and patience to lead my children into alignment with your divine design for them
4). Courage, strength and perseverance to run alongside others who are struggling to run the race
5). A sense of wonder and awe, peace and joy that becomes contagious for those who cross my path; so they will want to know you Jesus.
6). Words to speak and write that help others know how precious they are in your eyes, Lord.
7). Health and energy to spare, so I can share all you have given me with others without tiring.
8). Continued health for my family, friends and co-workers.
9). Eyes to see those in need and a heart to respond when they need it most
10). Clarity of vision and the ability to reframe the way parents influence their children’s career-ativity.

My prayer for you today (based upon Psalm 20:4-5) May He give you all the desires of your heart, especially those unknown desires that have gotten buried beneath the busy-ness of life, and make all your plans (that align with His will) succeed. We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of God. May the Lord grant ALL your requests and help you discern what you really need from Him on this day. Amen!

How are you running the race today?

How are you running the race today? What prize(s) are you running after? (1 Cor 9:24) Are you running in vain? (Galatians 2:2) Are you running your own race, under your own power, or are you running with God? Are you running alone or alongside others?

Paul encourages us to “Run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” (Hebrews 12:1) He also urges us to become “living sacrifices … to be devoted to one another in brotherly love … to honor one another above ourselves … to share with God’s people in need … to never lose our zeal … and to live in peace with all runners.” Likewise, the Book of Hebrews reminds us to “keep on loving each other as brothers” as we run; not to overlook and run away from strangers, prisoners or our spouses in an effort to pursue money. (Hebrews 13:1-5)

I can’t speak for you, but on some days I feel like I am running off course, wasting time worrying about running out of money, and I find myself running out of breath. Upon closer review I know those are the days I’m running after my goals, and under my own power.

On other days, when I am running in alignment with God’s will, and running under His power, I feel like I’m on a moving walkway at the airport. I imagine that’s how Elijah must have felt as “The power of the Lord came upon him and he ran ahead of Ahab all the way to Jezreel.” (1 Kings 18:46) On those days I also tend to find myself seeking to run alongside others; even willing to slow to a walking pace or step out of the race to invest time in a person who has stopped running.

How we run the race matters. So does the direction we are run in, and who we run alongside. Are we running toward God’s plan, the race He marked out for us, or are we running away in an effort to control our own destiny? Are we running toward those in need or away from them?

These are my first waking thoughts this morning as I prepare to run off to work. So, what’s on your mind? How are you running the race today? Who are you running it for? If you keep running the way you have been the past few weeks where will you end up? I encourage you to “run in such a way as to get the prize” — so you will hear, “Well done” as you cross the finish line.